Escapism and Addictions: My Story

Every single person on this planet has several things in common, the one that hits home most is addictions and escapism.  A few examples of addictions are: Drugs, alcohol, pornography, etc… We all know those, but did you know that even just things we do everyday can turn into an addiction? Some people are addicted to books, games, television, popularity, clothes, money, boys/girls, food. We use these things to escape our issues, whether we drown our sorrows with alcohol, or we read away our trouble in our favorite go-to books.  They are both as detrimental to us. Books can be as bad as alcohol or drugs. When people say ‘addiction’ everyone automatically goes toward the “bad stuff” such as: drinking, pornography and drugs. But rarely lean toward what else it could be.

When I was younger, I used to have several addictions, I still do have one or two, I’m trying to lay them down and walk away, but with any addiction it’s hard. If you have smoked, you know that you can’t “just quit because you need to” it’s a battle. Everyday I struggle with things. I either want to escape my chores by getting on the game I play, or going to go read for hours on end, because it feels like the false-reality of those things is better than reality. Starting in elementary school, yes, fifth grade; I had a friend who wasn’t a “normal” 10 year old. She was into boys, and clothes, and make-up. While I was totally clueless, she tried “teaching” me about all that stuff, I learned about sex far too early. Which in turn led me into one of the lowest points of my life that I am just now getting out of.

Now instead of pornography; I’m addicted to gaming, and to books. I still have trouble, but I know I can stop it with the help of friends and family. I never got into the crowd that smoked, or did drugs, or even the crowd that slept around. I just got into a friendship with someone that didn’t truly love herself, she thought she was only OK because guys would tell her she was “pretty” or
“hot”. She even had me believe that I was only pretty if I had guys falling all over me.

I know now that I’m beautiful no matter what anyone thinks. But that didn’t stop me from trying to be someone that I wasn’t. I tried being the “popular” girl, well as much as I could with how shy I was. Until I had my first boyfriend, which was a long distance relationship, I didn’t believe my family when they said I was pretty, I felt I needed the confirmation of a guy. Part of that is the fact that I never had a “dad” until this last year or so. I never had a daddy tell me I was pretty, I never had that confirmation. The amount that fathers have an effect on their kids is extraordinary, if they are not there ever, or are there but are abusive, that is how the kids will see them, always. No matter if they change.

So if there are any dad’s reading this, take the time to tell your kid/kids how much you love them, they NEED to hear it. Stopping addiction starts with love. I wasn’t an “unloved” child, but I was led into believing I was because I didn’t get EVERYTHING I wanted, I wasn’t spoiled, we didn’t have the money to be spoiled. My friend acted like she was happy when her parents were just trying to buy her love. Any parents reading this, you CANNOT buy love, no matter what you think you are doing, kids need real love, which may mean saying “no”.

I’m not trying to tell anyone how to take care of kids, are you kidding? I’m still a kid, but I know what it’s like to be led down the wrong path because I believed a lie told to me by someone I thought I could trust. Until I realized I was better off without friends like her, I was being a happy-go-lucky kid, following dumbly the person I thought knew everything.

After about six years struggling with about four addictions, I have let go of one almost two. It’s not an easy path letting them go; I know I will struggle with it, but I HAVE to stand strong, just like you should.  Addictions don’t only hurt yourself, they hurt the ones that love you most, your family and your friends.

I always knew what I was doing was wrong, but it felt so good, until the guilt came. It became harder and harder for me to hide it. I was afraid to tell someone, because I thought I would get into trouble, afraid I would get yelled at. I felt like because I watched pornography I was a bad person; that my family and friends would hate me. I was afraid that I would be abandoned because of  it. When I finally told my mom about it, she didn’t get mad, she didn’t yell, all she did was wrap me up in a big hug and told me how proud she  was of me for telling her. I was in tears because I was so relieved that I was OK, that she would love me NO MATTER WHAT.

Ever since I told her, it has been easier to avoid it, I don’t watch it anymore. I know that I AM OK. Addictions DO NOT make you a bad person, you are not a “bad person” if you drink, if you smoke, whatever your addiction may be, you are NOT a bad person.

You cannot allow your past to define you, and you cannot allow your bad choices to rule your life, you CAN get away from it. You CAN put down that cigarette; you CAN turn off that video, and YOU CAN get out of your addiction. The first step to recovery is to tell someone about it if it is secret, or to talk to someone about it, no one can get rid of it on their own. We all need help, no one person is enough to quit an addiction, no a firmly rooted one, and not a slight one.

I would never have been able to kick my addiction without help, if I hadn’t told my mom what I was doing, for how long I had been watching it, I would probably still be that lost little girl, trying to be someone she is not. I do not regret my addiction, I was not defeated by it, I did persevere through it.

My message for everyone in this is simply love one another, and if you see someone you know struggling with something, just ask if they want to talk. You can’t force anyone to stop something, but you can help them if they want to. If you have a friend who wants to stop smoking, or drinking, talk to them.  

Signed,

Anonymous